I thought I would share with you an ingenious invention that, if ever discovered in the UK could bring the whole country to a grinding halt and pure pleasure to all those with the drudgery of 9-5 work: Namele leaves.
There has been an ongoing saga in the Lakatoro province on the island of Malakula - its about halfway up the chain of islands and looks a bit like a dog (on the map obviously) - and it involves the family of the former minister of foreign affairs. Like quite a lot of things here it is quite convoluted but as far as I understand it, all the government buildings in Malakula - including the provincial headquarters, the police station and the courthouse - are on land which is owned by the family of the former minister. That family became disgruntled with the government who have (allegedly) not paid any rent for some time and resolved to do something about it. However, such tactics as legal proceedings or even sending in the heavies were not considered an option, they instead decided to place namele leaves on the buildings.
In Vanuatu namele leaves have a very ancient and powerful tradition. They are the leaves that you can see on the Vanuatu flag and they symbolise peace. However, they are also traditional "tabu" signs. Often you will see them placed on the beach to signal that fishing in that area is tabu for a period of time to let the fish restock. In the case of the Malekula government buildings the disgruntled family placed namele leaves all over the buildings. As a result the buildings became tabu and no-one can go into them until the leaves have been removed by whoever put them there. That was about 6 weeks ago. So for that period of time no-one has been to work in any of the government buildings, no one has cut the grass round the buildings and by all accounts the place looks like a ghost town - which I guess to a certain extent it is.
The matter was taken to the Appeal Court last week and is being appealed to the Supreme Court. However, an interim order has been issued to try and resolve the matter so that people can go back to work. The interim order states that the government must provide a tusked pig to the family immediately and in return the family should take down the leaves. So far no tusked pig has appeared and those workers affected have expressed their disappointment at the unresolved issue (whilst stuffing more namele leaves into their pockets and sipping a shell of kava). So along with the fraud trial (which has been adjourned for a month) we are also awaiting the outcome of the namele leaves case. If anyone wants to put in an order for namele leaves please let us know. (come to think of it there are a couple of local authorities in London who probably already have their own supply)
SPG Football Update - Vanuatu 15 (thats fifteen) - American Samoa 0
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Dear John and Hannah
What's the fraud trial? You may be pleased to hear that there are a few of your friends gathered in France who are a little bit drunk and arguing over house prices in London. We have been cycling today in the Alps and some of us (namely Kate and Gemma have been injured - Kate has a cut arm and bruised leg - having hit a cow. Gemma has trashed her bottom and is finding it a little difficult to sit, walk, stand - in fact move! Other than that we have done lots of eating and drinking and talking about how much we miss the both of you... We love the story about the leaves and James has just farted (which he claims to be a lie). Thank you so much for my present. I have brought it to France and i will open it in a couple of hours. James would like to write now so I will sign out. If we can co-ordinate messenger we will all try and get online asap so that we can converse. Muchos loven Gemma x
oh I miss you all so much.You are all ridiculous. I wish I was with you and I wish I had cycled into a cow. thats a fantastic achievement, i hope you didnt cut it in half like the tour de france rider that cut the sheep in half.
I really wish we were with you, sign on to messenger and hopefully we will overlap and can chat.
I am so happy the present arrived in time. HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY GEMMA! hope your bottom recovers soon. love you all.
Your football sounds alot more interesting than ours. I think we managed to beat the mightly israel recently but was so underwhelmed by the event that I don't know the actual score. In other news.... Clark and I have both become expert downhill mountain bikers. Guy and Sara were a bit embarrassed by how much better than them we were. Clark was particularly good but that's just gravity for you. Also I have discovered mount gay rum and orange. A more masculine drink than its name might suggest it never the less is better for your eyesight than KAva. Clark is sitting next to me. It slightly scares me but I am dealing with it. he is taking the keyboard. i can;t stop him...
You will notice immediately that the quality of discourse has improved tenfold. Cook, although a witless cretin, has just successfully corrected my grammar, so I am deeply sad, but other than that all is well. I am, however, saddened to have to tell you that Cook wept like a baby when he first encountered the mountain. I had to hold his hand for the first 3 miles. Thereafter, he discovered a certain base level of courage, and managed to complete the course without further soiling himself. we were all,as you might imagine, somewhat relieved.
Clark is gay. He's finally admitted it. Gemma is disappointed but not surprised. nor is anyone else. Apparently someone won a grand prix today but I was too busy conquering the mountain where as clark wimped off home to "watch telly".
I'm sorry about that. A strange smelling man broke into the house and temporarily took control of the keyboard. His cry of "get me some more wine" immediately identified him as Cook The Dirty... the authorities have been informed, and as we speak he is being tranquilised on the veranda. That apart, it remains a beautiful evening here in Morzine, and young Gemsy celebrates her birthday tomorrow. We are all hoping that the party won't be marred by the re-emergence of the Beast from Castor, but emergency kebabs have been prepared just in case...
I'm back. Get me some wine. right. Clark is, of course talking nonsense. The French police are big fans of mine. We have spent alot of time together (although my lawyer insists I mention that there was never any proof and no bodies were found...)
PS the rugby world cup is passing me by but I did manage to have a good moan at clark when the evil authorities at Gatwick airport put Scotland lithuania on the telly in the bar instead of England vs India. Still dont know thew result
may I refer you to the following image.
http://www.itsnotallwork.com/DSC00099.JPG
have you ever seen a live woman giving birth to a balloon? I wager not.
thats fantastic - it suits you gemma! Happy 30th Birthday!
Hi. I think I need some of those leaves to cover all things related to James Blunt - I have just heard an interview and a selection of songs from his album on the radio -what a pile of poo! Otherwise I cannot help but admire a people who set so much store in leaves, being someone who also greatly appreciates leaves on a daily basis. Anyway, loving your news and missing you lots. Speak soon. Love Bunner. xxxx
Oh - Good God. I have just heard that Paddington Bear is being prostituted on TV to sell marmalade. What is happening to this country - I dispair!.
John and Hannah many thanks for my beautiful dress and necklace. Not sure if you have had the fortune to see it yet but rest assured it looked amazing and just about fitted. We are now back from Morzine (sadly) and back to the humdrum of life a Londres. Hannah I have started an email reply to yours and will get onto it asap.
miss you both lots Gemsy x
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